Where does the word nagging come from?
The word is derived from the Scandinavian nagga, which means “to gnaw”.
She states: “Many more marriages will deal with nagging [than infidelity]. In fact, every marriage,” she said. “We roll our eyes when we think of it, but it really does bring down marriages if you don’t deal with it.”
So, how do we define nagging? The definition is this – when you have to ask or tell something more than 3 times.
Types of nagging
Critical nagging – Asking someone to do something and then being critical when they do, do it.
Hostile nagging – intentionally hurtful or sarcastic nagging.
Anxious nagging – feeling overwhelmed so you ‘fire’ things off to people.
The Gottman Institute. https://www.gottman.com/
Clinical Psychologists Dr’s John and Julie Gottman have been doing research on couples for over 40 years. They identified that the magic ratio is 5 to 1. What this means is for every negative interaction during your partnership you need 5 positive ones to counteract that!
In 1970 the world’s biggest study on couples was done. Simply by asking couples to solve a conflict in their relationship in 15 minutes, Dr Gottman predicted within 90% accuracy which couples would be divorced when he checked back with them 9 years later!
This discovery concluded that the ONLY difference between happy and unhappy couples is the ratio. Too much negative and it can’t be forgotten. Over time it wears people down.
Criticism, contempt, and defensiveness are the worst of the negatives. The worst of the body language would be eye rolling, dismissive hand gestures, and contempt or disgust lip.
So, how do we stop nagging?
If you had to test your ratio on an average day, what would yours be?
Would you be happy with the ratio?
Need some help with your coupledom? I do one off coaching sessions to explore that: https://www.elementalpotential.com/shop/uncategorised/impact-session-for-couples-1-2-people-1-hour-including-gst/
Want to learn more about Compassionate Assertiveness? Or understand your partners body language more?
Get the e-books for just $13:
Compassionate Assertiveness https://www.elementalpotential.com/shop/ebooks/ping-pong/
Body Language Basics
Body Language Advanced
Gift a Gift Voucher for Elemental Potential products and services to someone?