How to live a life without guilt – using compassionate assertiveness


Published: 23 Jul 2018

Compassionate Assertiveness

Imagine a future where you live the life you want. Where your everyday challenges in communication are easy to navigate.  You don’t have to feel guilty about protecting your boundaries, values and ethics.

Compassionate assertiveness changes behaviour – yours and others. It shifts your mind-set from being led, to being a leader. Being passive to being assertive. Having no voice, to being heard and felt. It produces results, and real life workable solutions.

It creates possibilities – this is communication working at its optimum, opening new avenues, refreshing tired relationships, reinforcing your position at work.

Is it possible? In just four easy to master stages? The key to exceptional communication?

Let me remind you why compassionate assertiveness is needed!

Because the world has reached a tipping point.

Because people are suffering.

I see it every day in the people I teach, coach or lecture to. Some are merely ‘filler’ people. They are born. They exist (not really live) and then they die. Their passivity stifling their needs and wants with every movement, every word uttered – or kept silent. They die with their dreams still in them. Having been at the mercy of people who manipulated them. Losing hours saying yes, when they really should have said no.

People are time poor like no other time in history. Whole lives, free will hours lost to distractions such as social media, TV, and gaming. The average human around 45 years of age only has 9,000 free will hours left after they have done all of the things a normal human does in their lifetime. Eat, sleep, work, sex, exercise, shower….. Some people give away their 9,000 hours without a thought. On a whim. Because they feel coerced, pressured, or simply unable to express themselves in words and gestures to protect themselves.

Compassionate assertiveness means that you are assertive 100% of the time! You protect your time. You protect your boundaries, values, beliefs, sanity! Whether that be standing up for your own rights, corrective coaching people and truly believing you are doing them a favour in showing them what their behaviour looks and feels like to others. Having a voice in a noisy egotistical environment, or adopting dismissive behaviour towards a ‘toxic’ passive – aggressive person.

It matters because people matter. 16 people have been fired/left in the past 2 years in the businesses I have coached – essentially as a direct result of my training in that business. I feel NO guilt or shame for that and here is the reason why – 764 other people worked in those businesses. They had a life, they had a miserable existence at work listening to negative malicious comments, being bullied verbally, being undermined. Those businesses were losing the best people who just couldn’t cope with it anymore, and keeping the worst ones. People who thought it was their God given right to speak to people with disrespect, be mean for the sake of it, and undermine the brand success.

People flounder with communication. The most successful people often have dysfunctional aspects of their personal life. The take the easy route in a busy life to get the (communication) job done, which keeps it on a superficial level and never really articulates the real thoughts and feelings underneath.

Compassionate assertiveness is the antidote to modern day living. A breath of fresh air in a stagnant, jaded world for some people.

I talk in my classes about the downside of being too passive and it hits people straight in the heart.

I talk about losing precious hours every week by not saying what you think, saying yes when you really should have said no, and it saddens people.

I talk about how important it is to see compassionate assertiveness as ‘corrective coaching’ with compassion – instead of just allowing people to treat you and speak to you how they like. Learning to be compassionately assertive emboldens people, gives them hope and confidence.

Compassionate assertiveness is for people who…….. want to be better leaders, better mothers/fathers; better husbands/wives. Some people struggle every day to articulate what they really want and mean. They walk away rather than sort things out. Spend a life knowing that they love their partners and never fully being able to express how they feel.

Or, they become the archetypal CEO’s running on a power trip whilst their actual abilities fall perilously short of matching the persona they are ‘selling’.

It works exceptionally well in business

Toxic workplaces are a hot topic globally and compassionate assertiveness is the only real antidote to them as it stops the toxic in their tracks, protects the rest of the workforce, and empowers owners and managers to step up and own what is really happening in their business.

Let me know how the model is working for you. And remember join as a member you can chat to me on Speakpipe at any time about what you are dealing with in communication in your life. Press the button and I’ll help you deal with it.

Cheers Steph

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