The Compassionate assertiveness in action model© created by Elemental Potential


Published: 11 Feb 2018

Compassionate Assertiveness

Compassionate assertiveness works! – That’s the good news!

The model is simple once you have grasped it.

Understand that it is not linear – it is cyclical.

You don’t need to use each stage.

Some people don’t ‘deserve’ some stages.

Here it is using language that is easy to understand:

  1. Self Analysis – FLIP – your person’s behaviour and make them accountable for what they just said or did to you – good or bad.

If they were obnoxious or rude to you in some way ask a question that makes them explain themselves.

“What would make you say that BOB?” adding the name on the end makes it personal – hey they just got personal with you


2. Behaviour – FEEL – the emotional ‘ping’ of what just happened and respond accordingly. Don’t let it go, don’t internalise it. DON’T RUN!

Tell them how they made you feel. “I feel that is unreasonable Janene. You’ve made me feel incompetent.”


3. Consequence – DO SOMETHING – right there, right then – a consequence, a suggestion?

“I can’t agree with that, so you may need to find someone else, or we may need to renegotiate Bob.”


4. Choice – SURRENDER – and ask them what they think should happen – good or bad you’ll know the truth.


Want to know more?

Leave a Reply