I’ve done quite a bit of communication coaching in recent weeks. Some for corporates, some public events, some for friends, some paid, some unpaid. Every now and again I have a week where the patterns and trends in what people are dealing with is REALLY obvious.
That happened to me in South Island over the past 6 weeks, and appears to be continuing this week now I’m back in North Island.
What are twiddly bits I hear you ask!
Twiddly bits are all of those extra words, those extra justifications, those ‘sorry grams’ that you include in conversation and communication interactions with other humans.
Twiddly bits are dangerous. They cause chaos. Resentment. Are a natural and ideal breeding ground for passive aggressive behaviour.
Some days it is so obvious to me that it actually makes me sad – not angry, not frustrated….sad.
I have to say to people “This could be SO simple. You are making it difficult.” Great communication is simple. It’s logical. You have a need or want, then say it. Sure, add appreciation, or personalise it with their name if you want to – but just ask for what you want or need already. No twiddly bits, no elaborate story, no ego building, no justification, no blame and shame first. Just LEAD WITH THE FACTS OR NEED!
Don’t like what you’ve just seen or heard from a human interaction? Then say that too. If you’ve seen it (or heard it) and it doesn’t work for you or sit well with you then say so – there and then! No twiddly bits, no blame and shame, and definitely no passive aggressive behaviour if you decide to opt out and walk away.
If you decide to not engage through awkwardness, fear of reprisals, guilt or whatever, then you need to just let it go. You don’t get a ‘do over’, you don’t get to toxify other people’s lives listening to your whinging. You had your moment and missed it!
Try this simple tip today.
When your mouth opens (shortly after your sub-conscious has assessed the incoming and you make a decision on what to say) rein it in, think about whether or not it is concise. If you become aware of twiddly bits coming out of your mouth then stop talking, re-set, lead with the need or want.
Once you have seen the difference in the results of this type of communication. The absolute clarity of it. More things going right for you. You will never want to use twiddly bits again. EVER!
Let me know how you get on. Start a comments thread……..but no twiddly bits lol.